Chapter 4, Who? Not How.

If you lack a passing knowledge of Star Wars lore, let me share a bit of context.

To become a Jedi, a warrior for the light, Luke Skywalker has to learn to work with "The Force." Traditionally, Jedis are trained by more senior and experienced Jedis. Luke's Jedi instructor is Yoda.

Can Luke Skywalker become a Jedi without Yoda?

This raises a curious philosophical question, which Star Wars fans may not agree with. Is Luke already a Jedi when he meets Yoda? I mean, if Luke is already a Jedi, he needs Yoda to show him, not teach him.

We should really be asking Luke and Yoda, and I would expect their answers would be quite surprising! My guess is that, if we ask Luke at the beginning of his training when he is full of self-doubt and fear, he will say he is not a Jedi and that someday perhaps he will be. If we ask Luke at the end of his training, perhaps in hindsight he will agree that he has been a potential Jedi all along and that the training process with Yoda actualized this potential. A large part of this process requires Luke to believe he already is a Jedi and, from that belief, to actually act as a Jedi. In other words, he is already a Jedi, but he needs a guide to show him that.

Why is this relevant to the inward journey, you may ask?

Good question. Let us answer that.

💡 Luke's journey to become a Jedi is a journey inward.

Can we manage by ourselves on the inward journey? Just like Luke, we have the potential to actualize the best versions of ourselves. Could Luke actualize his potential to become a Jedi all by himself, without the guidance of someone like Yoda?

At the beginning of his relationship with Yoda, Luke does not believe he is already a Jedi. His ability to connect to the Force is impeded by self-doubt. As soon as that self-doubt starts to diminish, he can increasingly connect to the Force. That, in turn, reinforces his belief until he no longer doubts himself. Luke's self-doubt is a form of inner resistance to the inward journey. We will discuss this topic at length in a later chapter.

What is Yoda's role in effecting Luke's transformation?

First, Yoda probably experienced the same training process many years before and therefore can empathize with what Luke is going through. Next, since Yoda is already an accomplished Jedi Master, we know Yoda's own training worked. Yoda knows how to counsel Luke to move forward and deal with the challenges of the training process. Finally, Yoda's wisdom and experience enables him to counsel Luke even with respect to challenges Yoda himself may not have personally encountered.

Luke has to ask Yoda to guide him. Luke has to consent to hear and accept Yoda's guidance and act on it.

The inner resistance Luke faces is very similar to the resistance we all face during our journey inward. Much of the work during this journey is done in solitude—you within yourself and by yourself. No one else can take this journey for you. Even so, someone who has already journeyed inward past the point you are in can be very helpful. They have experience and know things that may help you. They can serve as a guide.

We look for a tour guide when we visit a country for the first time. Imagine we are going to Poland. We would ask around and try to talk to people who visited its capital, Warsaw. We should either book an organized tour or at least research Poland online or read Lonely Planet's Poland edition.

The inner journey will be at least as challenging as landing in the Warsaw airport with no one to talk to and not speaking a word of Polish.

When we realize we need help and ask for it, we may be tempted to ask, "How can I do this?" but a better approach is to ask, "Who can help me to do this?"

💡 This is the wisdom of "Who? Not how."

The main reason we ask "Who? Not how." is that the inward journey is uncharted territory. If we try something and have no feedback on where we are and where we are going, we may actually be going in circles for a long time.

If we again consider Star Wars, we see that Luke receives guidance from Obi-Wan Kenobi to seek out Yoda, the last known Jedi master. Obi-Wan believes that Yoda can train Luke to become a Jedi. Ultimately, Luke's decision to train under Yoda is driven by a combination of his innate connection to the Force, his family legacy, the guidance of Obi-Wan Kenobi, the desire to resist the Empire, and his thirst for knowledge and mastery of the Jedi arts. I think this decision saves Luke an enormous amount of time and greatly increases his chance of success.

Let us take another example from the movies.

In The Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam are part of the fellowship of the ring. The ring of power is fashioned by Sauron, a force of evil. The ring must be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom, where it was forged. Mount Doom is deep in Sauron's realm, called Mordor. When Frodo and Sam get disconnected from the rest of the fellowship, they start their way alone toward Mordor. Mordor is not a place one goes to casually. Frodo and Sam have never been there. They can see Mordor from afar most of the time, but they do not know how to get there from where they are.

In one of the scenes, Sam climbs up on a ledge and, in a tired voice, informs Frodo that this place is curiously familiar. Frodo responds warily that indeed the ledge is familiar because they have been there before. They both realize they have been going around in circles.

Frodo then admits they need a guide, and one appears that same night.

There is another creature always lurking in the background, following Frodo and Sam. His name is Gollum. Gollum had been in possession of the ring of power for hundreds of years, and it corrupted his soul. He is completely attached to the ring and does not want it to be destroyed. He has been waiting for the opportunity to take the ring away from Frodo.

That same night, Gollum attempts to attack them, and after Sam and Frodo fend off the attack and subdue Gollum, Frodo asks Gollum whether he knows the way to Mordor. He does, and that is how Gollum becomes their guide.

Gollum eventually takes Sam and Frodo from point A to point B—from where they are to Mordor.

💡 The function of a guide is to help you go from A to B.

This implies several things:

• The guide knows where you are now (A)

• They know where B is

• They know how to go from A to B

• They are familiar with the challenges in the journey between A and B

When you ask "Who?" you will get both the "who" and the "how" The "who" is your guide, and the "how" is the path from A to B.

Perhaps you've heard the word guru. The term is a combination of the two Sanskrit words gu (darkness) and ru (light), so together they mean "divine light that dispels all darkness." It is a Sanskrit term for a mentor, guide, expert, or master.

In some Hindu and Jain traditions, the guru is a figure to be revered by the disciple as part of a special relationship that exists between them. In these traditions, the guru serves as a counselor who helps mold values and shares experiential knowledge as much as literal knowledge. The guru is also an exemplar in life and an inspirational source who helps in the spiritual evolution of a student.

In the Western world, the term guru is sometimes used in a derogatory way to refer to individuals who allegedly exploit their followers' naiveté, particularly in certain cults or groups in the fields of hippie and new religious movements, self-help, and Tantra.

I am not advocating you go search for a guru to guide you in your journey inward. I did, and it was both wonderful and came with its own challenges (more on that later) but I am suggesting that you work with someone (many someones, actually).

What is important for the inward journey is the special relationship between you and your guide. For this purpose, we can learn by examining the traditional guru-disciple relationship in Hinduism and Buddhism.

In the following chapters, I will discuss how to choose your guide and what you should pay attention to throughout your relationship with them.

Let us examine what you can expect from your relationship with your guide.

1️⃣ Expect your guide to want the best for you and have your highest interest in mind.

A true, genuine guide has your best interest in mind even above their own interest.

2️⃣ Expect a rocky relationship.

During one of our first therapy sessions, Esti told me that if I continued to work with her, I would quit my job and divorce the mother of my children. Every fiber in my body was raging with anger. I heard an inner voice exclaiming, "Who is this woman, and how dare she tell me what I should or should not do?" Still, the seed was planted, and the suggestion started to work. Because of my trust in Esti, I did eventually quit my job and get a divorce.

Not every relationship with a guide will be rocky, and even a rocky one will not be rocky all of the time. I say you can expect it simply because ego, which is a part of you, is stubborn and will resist. In my example with Esti, the ego in me was fighting Esti. My inner dialogue was one of anger and rage, and of course my body was reacting. It took a large measure of self-control and trust in Esti to avoid running away from her and the pressure she was exerting on me to change. We will discuss ego in a later chapter.

3️⃣ Expect a lot of tough love.

The journey inward requires you to let go of many things. It may reach the point where you will be required to let go of things you hold very dear. Your guide will be the person who puts a mirror in front of you and forces you to face reality. This may prove to be bitter medicine, to say the least.

4️⃣ Expect to be constantly challenged.

The inner journey is challenging for several reasons:

1. You journey inward into uncharted territory. By definition, that means you will encounter challenges you probably have not faced before. Some of these challenges will be presented to you by the guide.

2. You may not understand why your guide is proposing what they do. You may rebel.

3. You have very little idea what the next step will be. Many times, you will be surprised. Your guide may not always know in advance what is next for you, and even if they do, they may not tell you if it's not in your best interest to know.

4. You may need to be broken to be rebuilt. Just like a muscle that rebuilds stronger after suffering micro-tears, life will send you the lessons you need. Remember the rose-colored shades? Keep in mind that each lesson delivered to you will be perfectly timed and precisely crafted to meet your current capability to learn it. God is a loving parent who wants you to succeed.

Must your guide be a person? A living person? That is a very interesting question.

There are two factors to consider. The first is whether you have a clear communication channel with the guide. What I mean by that is that you can ask questions and have clear answers. The second factor has to do with the guide's actual knowledge of your situation and authority to provide guidance to specific challenges.

Let us examine some examples:

1. A book by an authoritative person

2. A spiritual teacher

3. A therapist

4. A "spirit" guide you channel with

5. The inner guide (God within)

Let's examine each with respect to the communication and authority principles.

1️⃣ Learning from a book

Suppose you pick up Michael Singer's book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself. Michael's approach is quite exceptional in that it provides a clear presentation of the inner journey to liberation. Michael clearly states this direct path is for anyone.

I started practicing this path even before I read Michael's book. After several years of practice, I can attest to its effectiveness. When I started cultivating presence, I realized that I am not my thoughts, emotions, and sensations. During these years of practice, there were many times I stumbled and needed to ask for advice.

Will Michael answer my personal questions if I try to reach him? Perhaps. I do not know as I have not tried to contact him. I do have complete confidence that Michael would be able to provide an authoritative answer to any of my questions if I did.

I did ask these questions internally, and the answers arrived in various forms. Sometimes it was by talking to someone. Many times, I just understood things. When I was ready for the insight, it just arrived. Had I not received answers to my questions, I probably would have been going around in circles much longer.

You can make a lot of progress by implementing the suggestions of the author. Books expose us to many various viewpoints, experiences, and approaches. They contain a great wealth of general information and guidance. Plus, books are great transmission devices. They broadcast deep and broad wisdom over space and time. However, their greatest drawback is that they are not able to specifically address your challenges. There are limits to the learning you can obtain from a book when you need guidance that is specific to your current situation.

2️⃣ Learning from a spiritual teacher

I first heard about Prem Baba from Tomer, a good friend from my yoga school. Prem Baba is a Brazilian master teacher of an ancient spiritual lineage from India who focuses on building a bridge between spirituality and psychology, East and West.

Tomer had just returned from Brazil, where he did several intense practices led by Prem Baba. Tomer looked radiant! I asked him to tell me more.

He smiled and simply said, "He is done."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that, so I asked. Tomer clarified that Prem Baba has finished dealing with his lower self and that Tomer was done with this work.

That moment, a voice inside of me said, "Yes, I also want to be done." That was the beginning of my journey with Prem Baba. Later, I realized that Prem Baba seemed intuitively to have what I called "a map of the psyche" and that when he talks about different challenges in the journey inward, he invariably refers back to this model in his guidance.

Prem Baba had (and still has) hundreds if not thousands of disciples. He used to be a guru (why I say "used to be" is a story we will discuss in a later chapter) and now refers to himself as a spiritual master. During the years I followed him, I considered myself as a disciple (I received formal initiation).

I felt I had a clear channel of communication with Prem Baba. For the most part, it was one way. Prem Baba made many transmissions to his disciples. These were not personally addressed to any specific person. He wrote books and conducted seminars and intensive workshops. While I did have several short personal conversations with Prem Baba, that option was not continuously available to me. If I had a specific question, I had a way to send it and get a personal answer (one way or another). I can also say that his answers came from personal experience and were authoritative. He knew what he was talking about.

Spiritual gurus are a bit trickier. In many of the Eastern traditions, the term enlightenment is used to denote an individual who "is freed from the tyranny of the mind." A full discussion of enlightenment is beyond the scope of this book. In the context of a spiritual guru like Prem Baba, however, I would say that he intimated that he was enlightened. Later on, when it was apparent that he wasn't, many of his disciples, myself included, were extremely hurt.

When I was a disciple of Prem Baba, I felt an intimate energetic bond. I felt cared for and held in the most personal manner, even if in actuality I spent very little time in person with Prem Baba. This is one of the more alluring aspects of such a relationship for a disciple. The trouble potentially arises if the guru is not enlightened and abuses the relationship. More on this in a later chapter.

3️⃣ Learning from a therapist

A therapist is a person who helps you deal with the emotional and conditional aspects of your psyche. Since many of the challenges of the inward journey are related to letting go of these aspects, the ability to recognize them, transmute them, and eventually let them go is really the essence of the inward path.

Sometimes a spiritual teacher also serves as a therapist or even starts their journey as one. There are no hard and fast rules. Not all spiritual teachers are therapists. Most therapists are not bonafide spiritual teachers.

4️⃣ Channeling with "spirit guides"

Sometimes guides are superhuman, so to speak.

Shall we talk now about channeling? Some consider channeling complete bollocks. Others swear by their communications with their "spirit guides" and conduct their entire lives based on this guidance. Like in many other areas of life, the truth, if there is such a thing here, is somewhere in the middle.

​​Channeling, in a spiritual context, is a process by which an individual, often referred to as a "medium" or "channel," claims to communicate with non-physical entities, such as spirits, extraterrestrial beings, angels, ascended masters, or other types of spiritual guides. This concept is most commonly associated with New Age spirituality but also has roots in various religious traditions.

For example, when I was channeling, I would sit comfortably, close my eyes, and relax. Then, when I felt ready, I would ask a question internally. I found it beneficial to ask open-ended questions. I would then "hear" a voice speaking internally, and I would simply write on paper what I heard.

It is not essential to channel with "spirit guides." At the same time, based on my own channeling experience, there is something to be learned in cultivating the ability to listen to inner guidance.

Esti was the one who first introduced me to the concept of channeling and to the existence of "spirit guides." In our first therapy session, she explained that, during regression therapy sessions, she is constantly channeling with the "healing spirits." She called them "the doctors." She added that they knew what she needed and that they guided her every step of the way. The implication was that they were the ones doing the healing and she was some sort of intermediary.

It sounded weird. I must say that it still does. I did not find channeling a natural thing to do. But I did it anyway.

My rational mind could not find a plausible explanation to several key questions I had. The most disturbing question was "who is on the other side of the line?" Is it a part of me? Is it really a separate entity? And if it is, how can I know that this entity wants the best for me?

There is nothing inherently wrong with channeling. There are, however, some common sense questions I would ask before trying it:

• Who am I channeling with?

• Can I trust the intentions of the party I am communicating with?

• Is there a proper technique I should use?

• Am I exposing myself to any risks?

• What should I be mindful of?

Esti taught her followers to be maximalist channelers and ask for guidance on every aspect of life. Her claim was that ego cannot be trusted and the "spirit guides" provide a higher perspective. If that is the case, why not channel everything? That was her argument.

She instructed me, as an example, to go to the supermarket and channel which type of toilet paper to buy. If toilet paper was game, so was every major decision in life. She also apparently walked the talk. The common claim among our group of students was "I channeled that..." followed by any statement that had to do with life.

I stopped channeling a bit after Esti disappeared from my life. The reason I am not channeling today is because I did not find satisfactory answers to the questions above.

Generally speaking, the key to utilizing channeling or any spiritual practice as a learning tool for the journey inward is to approach it with an open yet critical mind, respect for oneself and others, and a balanced view of its place within one's overall life and personal growth. Channeling may provide important insights and guidance, foster the ability to tune inward, and help us accept unseen realities. On the other hand, channeling can be used to avoid responsibility and to manipulate others.

5️⃣ Learning from the inner guide (God within)

After years of working with other guides, it became clear to me that the only perfect guide is God.

I am stating this as a matter of fact, but that is for you to find out in your own personal experience. The rest of this book is carefully laid out for you to follow the yellow brick road toward that very experience.

If the alternative is not being guided at all and going it alone, given the challenges, the most likely outcome is that you will go around in circles for a long time. Therefore, the short answer to the question, "Must the guide always be a human person?" is: "No."

During my own journey, many of the guides who served me were flesh and blood. Some may have been spiritual beings (even though I have no proof of their existence and I am not really sure who I was channeling with). All of these experiences prepared me to find God within and learn how to ask, listen to, and rely on that inner guide.

Will you always have a personal relationship with your guides? Not always, although from my experience, such a relationship is highly beneficial.

During your inward journey, you generally face three types of challenges:

1. You do not know where you are

2. You do not know why things are not working

3. You do not know what the next step is

One of the main challenges of walking in uncharted territory is that you have little idea what lies ahead. You do not have enough perspective to see a larger stretch of the path. Your guide simply has the benefit of a broader perspective.

The reasons why things may not be working in your life are specifically related to your individual life situation. In a book like this, I can only provide generalized guidance that can safely be imparted to a large and diverse audience. When you personally relate with a guide, they can be very specific to your needs. A personal relationship with an authoritative guide is beneficial mainly because that guide can tailor their guidance to your particular life situation.

➡️ The invitation is open for you to contact me and share with me your specific life situation and inward journey. I also encourage you to join our community of inward journeyers.

Even when you have insight into why things are not working, you may not have the experience to know what the appropriate action to take is. A personal connection to your guide will allow them to ask you questions. They can then determine where you are now, what specific challenges you are facing, and what would work best for you given your temperament.

If your journey is anything like mine, you will be guided by many different guides. Each guide will arrive when you are ready for their teachings. They will guide you through a series of very specific steps in your journey.

When the student is ready, the teacher arrives. It is up to the student to recognize when the journey changes and a new guide is needed. In a later chapter, we will discuss in detail how to recognize when it is time to move on to the next guide.

Sometimes, you will outgrow your guide, and it will be up to you to say goodbye. Other times, your guide will seemingly abandon you, and you may feel alone. While this can be quite painful, in hindsight you will realize it was necessary for one guide to exit so that another can, in due time, take their place. Regardless of the challenges, guides are there to serve you.

If you feel your guide has not arrived yet, keep asking. Make yourself open to guidance, and it will come. It is helpful to be attentive to the signs and realize that we are being guided in many ways. Don't expect guidance to take a specific form. God works in mysterious ways.

Finally, do not forget you decided to pick up this book and read it to this point. This book is part of your inward journey. Keep reading to find out how to choose your guide when they present themselves. Things will unfold at the right time. They always do.