Chapter 3 - Why Journey Inward?

Following a car accident, Mr. Yogesh became paraplegic. He was admitted to the Yogic hospital in Haridwar, India, with little hope for his life. The staff tended to his physical injury lovingly, and everyone was heartbroken to see him slowly come to terms with the realization that he would never walk again.

Then a visitor came by with a Hatha Yoga book full of illustrations of various asanas and detailed explanations on how to enter each pose and what to pay attention to while holding that pose.

Never giving it serious thought, Yogesh asked the nurse to put the book in the small cabinet beside his hospital bed.

Several weeks later, someone took the book out and placed it on his bed. When Yogesh awakened the next morning, he found himself face to face with the book cover, which featured the smiling face of an old yogi contorted in an advanced asana.

Something stirred inside Yogesh. He asked the nurse to place the book in front of him so that he could study the explanations and illustrations.

For the next several months, Yogesh practiced yoga in his head. He would carefully study the asana. Then he would close his eyes and visualize his own body entering and staying in each pose for long minutes.

This he did religiously for many hours a day, day after day.

One year after the accident, Yogesh was fully healed. He walked out of the hospital.

What actually happened to Yogesh? Was it a "miracle" of healing? Would that "miracle" occur even if Yogesh hadn't practiced yoga in his head?

I do not know if this was actually a miracle or how this healing came to be. Yet, against all odds, Yogesh got back on his feet. I am pretty sure that Yogesh actively contributed to his own healing in one way or another.

In other words, Yogesh created his own reality.

"I create my own reality." I can't really put a finger on the first time I heard this. It is described by so many thinkers in so many different quotes that basically say the same thing. We do create our own reality.

Hearing this affirmation planted a seed in me. At first, I did not understand how profound this affirmation is. It took me some time to realize how life changing it is. I started to observe that the way I think and feel about something or someone has a creative effect. For example, while my business partner and I were building our company, I remember saying that I wanted our business to be a manifestation of the Golden Rule. Then, over the next few years I saw how that simple intention affected many of the daily decisions we had to make in the course of running the business.

What does "I create my own reality" really mean?

I have spent a long time pondering this affirmation. Perhaps, like me, you are not sure what it really means. Perhaps, like me, you are not sure why it is important.

Let us take a look at the implication hidden in this short phrase:

1. There is an "I."

2. This "I" has creative powers.

3. There is something called "reality."

4. This "reality" is personal (as in "my own" reality), or at least some of this "reality" is personal.

5. This "I" "creates" this personal "reality."

Point #1 (There is an "I") seems quite simple to accept. This is actually a very deep topic that demands exploration. We will discuss this later. Let us start by exploring points #2 and #3.

This "I" has creative powers.

There is something called "reality."

Let us define "reality" as what I experience with my senses and what happens to me.

Yogesh was not trying to heal his body, yet, by intently and consistently visualizing yoga asanas in which his body was healthy, this healing actually happened.

There are many other documented examples of "miraculous" events that result from ordinary action. Here is another example.

Dr. Hew Len practiced as a psychiatrist in Hawaii. He was in charge of mentally ill patients in a psychiatric ward. His style of practice was unconventional to say the least. Unlike other psychiatrists, who had extensive interaction with their patients, Dr. Len simply read the files of his. He never actually exchanged a single word with them. Instead, he would sit in his office, read their files, visualize each patient and simply chant a mantra (called Hoʻoponopono): "I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you."

One by one, his patients were healed and released from the ward.

The Hawaiian word translates into English simply as correction. Its synonyms are manage or supervise. The Hoʻoponopono is a traditional Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.

Note that Dr. Hew Len did not ask the patients to repeat the mantra themselves. The Hoʻoponopono is based on two beliefs—that we all share an energy and connection to each other and that we all have the power to attract healing by our own actions and motivations. Thus, we have the ability to impact that energy positively or negatively for others.

A practitioner of Hoʻoponopono chooses to act on themselves, and that humility ultimately results in the healing of those connected to them, in this case Dr. Len's patients. That can be a radical and almost unbelievable notion for many, but it has been transformative for me.

I practiced the Hoʻoponopono in relation to my dad. In his last years, my dad suffered from dementia. There was not much conventional medicine could do to help him. He was living in another country at the time, so I could not personally be present at his side. Instead, I practiced the Hoʻoponopono. It helped both of us to be more at peace with the challenging circumstances.

Talk about radically creating reality.

I do not want you to be under the impression that we only manifest "miracles." These examples seem miraculous and hard to believe. So let me be clear. We create our reality on every level and in the most ordinary aspects of our lives.

How does it work?

💡 It starts with a desire. What we ask for intently, what we persistently think about, what we repeatedly visualize, will come to pass.

Are you convinced?

You may be thinking these stories are anecdotal. Can this affirmation really be true?

After reading many such anecdotes, I decided to take this affirmation as a premise. I wanted to discover if it could be true for me.Several years ago, I co-founded a business. At that time I had a vague notion that, in the future, I would dedicate my entire life to loving service projects. I was dreaming of one such project but hadn't really started working on it.

In hindsight, I can identify a sequence of events. First, an idea (desire) arrived, and I became conscious of it. "I will dedicate myself to loving service projects." I did not even know what that meant to be honest.

Where did this idea come from? Good question. Put a pin in this one, and we'll return to it later.

Next, the idea/desire started to grow, and I chose to engage with it. In other words, I chose to co-create this reality. It felt to me like a co-creation because in truth I do not think this idea came from me, but the choice to engage with it was indeed mine.

Then, I had another idea—"I will build a business that will provide me with income so I can dedicate my time to loving service projects." Two years later, I co-founded that business. I worked long hours and grew the business to seven figures before I sold my shares so I could dedicate all of my time to loving service projects.

This is but one example of what happened in my life once I took responsibility. I am convinced I am creating my own reality. This understanding has profound implications on my spiritual journey.

Here is my question to you: if you really create your own reality, what are the implications in your life?

Look at your current reality and consider: who is creating this reality?

You create what you persistently think about. What is it that you are persistently thinking about?

Most of the time, thoughts seem to happen by themselves. They seem to come from nowhere. A thought appears, voices itself into awareness, and disappears. Then another one and another. There seems to be an incessant train of thought.

As long as you are awake, this is happening in the background—an ongoing inner chatter or inner dialogue. While this chatter may seem harmless, it is not. This constant chatter is affecting every aspect of your life.

When you think something (or, better said, when a thought appears in you), your body reacts, your emotional state changes, and eventually you (may) act on it.

This is why Decartes thought (ironic, isn't it) that "I think, therefore I am."

Consider this example on how a seemingly random sequence of thoughts created reality.

I am listening to a peaceful meditative piece of music. I feel relaxed. All of a sudden, I remember that in thirty minutes I will have a challenging conversation with my business partner about something we completely disagree about.

"She is totally wrong about it! This is a huge mistake!" says the voice in my head.

I am no longer listening to music. Anger is rising. I feel anger because of my partner's inability to see my point of view.

My inner voice says, "We've had this conversation so many times. Why can't she see she's completely wrong?"

My chest contracts. My breath becomes shallow, and my face turns red. Where did the peaceful music go? It is still playing in my ears, but my head is already somewhere else, racing at a hundred miles an hour to the meeting with my partner and playing a movie version of it in my head...at least playing one possible version of it, which may never actually materialize.

This took all of five seconds to occur with blazing speed...all in my head. The conversation never actually took place, yet my body and emotional states have completely changed. I have now stored a memory of a fictional conversation and the entire emotional and physical response. This memory is but a "potential reality"—my partner may actually respond in the way she did in the "movie," but she may also respond in a myriad other ways that will render the movie useless.

How will I act when I actually have the conversation with my partner? Will I listen to my partner when she presents a totally valid point of view regarding this business decision, or will I be replaying in my head the self-conversation I had with myself half an hour before?

It really depends on how conscious I am at the time of the conversation. My thoughts have created a potential reality—the "movie" that appeared before in my head may come back and attempt to replay itself during the conversation. It is also possible that another "movie" will attempt to play in my head. What is important is to be aware of the thoughts that appear during the conversation.

Sometimes I sit down to think about a problem. I then try to direct my power of concentration to various aspects of the issue. I ask questions in my head and try to formulate answers. Then I lose my deliberate thought process. Some other seemingly random, completely unrelated thought appears in my consciousness and robs me of the opportunity to continue problem-solving.

The point is that there is a "train of thought" that appears in me spontaneously, incessantly.

Let us refer to this as the "inner dialogue."

Here are some interesting questions to consider:

1. Is this inner dialogue happening even when I am not conscious of it?

2. Am I doing this to myself?

3. Can I do something about it?

4. If so, do I want to do something about it?

5. If so, what can I actually do about it?

The inner dialogue is obviously happening whether we are conscious of it or not. The fact that I can write about the inner dialogue and describe it so vividly indicates that I can witness it while it is happening as well as remember it after the fact.

Whether I can do something about the inner dialogue depends on how conscious I am at the time it is happening.

In order to be conscious of the inner realm of thought, I need to want to be conscious. It starts with making a decision to do whatever it takes to be conscious. This internal commitment is really necessary in order to break the inertia of the incessant chatter of the mind.

💡 Remember: what I ask for intently, what I persistently think about, what I repeatedly visualize will come to pass.

So I have to want to be conscious of the inner dialogue.

The following story recounts the first time I expressed this desire to be conscious in my daily life.

One day, after many therapy sessions with Esti, I watched a movie. When the credits were rolling, the following thought appeared in my mind: "I was completely lost in this story. I was gone for ninety minutes. I had no idea where I was or who I was. I was totally absorbed by the film. What if I were able to be aware of myself watching the film while watching it?"

I shared this observation with Esti. She smiled. She knew this was the beginning of a new phase in my journey.

Being conscious is extremely important. That is how I can consciously create my reality. When I can witness the chatter of the inner dialogue, I have enough awareness to make a conscious choice.

This is beautifully demonstrated by the English language. The word responsibility indicates "the ability to respond." My ability to respond is reflected in the choice I make when I am aware of my inner dialogue and can set it aside to listen to a deeper, quieter voice.

My response always originates inside me. It is either automatically generated by the incessant inner dialogue and the emotions it produces, or it comes from a deeper source—me. The result of the action that comes from me leads to peace and contentment while the automatic action many times leads to more compulsive thought, emotion, and action. The key is awareness. An automatic action is the direct result of the inner dialogue, and the resulting thoughts and emotions are not filtered by me.

Let's take a very common example. I am driving on the highway, and all of a sudden someone cuts me off violently and dangerously. They are driving so fast that by the time I come to my senses they are already way ahead.

My first reaction is anger. The inner dialogue may say something like "You are reckless!" or "How dare you drive like that and put ME in danger?" This can trigger a whole train of thought about how people are selfish and they care only about themselves, etc.

I may even get so upset that I step down on the gas and try to chase the bastard to tell him how reckless he is!

Consider the alternative.

As soon as the driver cuts me off and the anger and inner dialogue start to play in my head, I take a deep breath. I listen to the inner dialogue and simply ask it a question: "What if this person is driving his child to the hospital?" Would I be so upset then? Wouldn't I do the same if my child was in urgent need of medical care?

I take another breath and continue listening to the inner dialogue until everything calms down.

The practical and immediate implication is:

💡 I want to be aware of what is going on inside of me.

With simple practices, you can be. Remember, the mind cannot be simultaneously thinking two thoughts. Awareness can focus only on one thing at a time. You can focus on the inner dialogue or on something else.

🧘 Try this. Put your palms together as if in prayer. Simply feel them. Feel the touch of the skin, the softness or roughness of it. Feel the temperature and texture of your palms. Are you sweaty, warm, or cold? Press the palms against each other and feel how the arm muscles react.

Now consider: what were you thinking about during this little experiment?

If your awareness was focused on your hands, it was not focused on the inner dialogue, and so it is as if you had no thoughts. And perhaps you did not.

Shifting our attention is a very natural thing. Nobody teaches us how to "pay attention" to this or that—we simply do it.

Okay then, let us train ourselves to pay attention deliberately. Here's a simple practice:

🧘 Get a timer and turn on a sixty-minute, repeating alarm. Every sixty minutes, stop for thirty seconds or so and do this simple "palms together" exercise.

You can do this even when you're with people without anyone noticing. This is your little secret awareness practice.

In the yoga tradition, there are many practices of concentration. The yoga practitioner chooses something as the focus of attention. It can be one's breath, the flame of a candle, an inner word that is repeated silently (called a "mantra"), or simply one's thoughts.

In his book The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable about Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny, Robin Sharma describes a concentration practice that consists of taking a beautiful flower and watching it intently—looking at every detail until we are completely lost in it. I did not have a flower, but I had an orange. I trusted that if this practice helped Robin it would also help me. I really had no idea why it would be good for me, but something made me do it. For many weeks I woke up at 5:00 AM to stare at an orange.

As I wrote in a previous chapter, I now understand that this concentration exercise helped me cultivate awareness of my mental chatter by giving me a taste of what happens when my awareness was concentrated on something other than this compulsive train of thought I was completely lost in.

🧘 Let's try a simple practice to watch our thoughts. Practice the following for a few minutes. Even two or three minutes of this exercise will reveal a lot to you.

• Find a quiet spot in your home and sit comfortably on a chair or a couch.

• Close your eyes or lower and soften your gaze.

• Just watch your thoughts. You can label them as they come: "thinking," "remembering," "planning," "worrying," "wanting," etc.

• If you find yourself judging a thought, keep paying attention and label it "judging."

Open your eyes and reflect on your experience. There are several key insights I want you to note. First is that the train of thought seems to be never ending, but sometimes there will be a little gap in between the thoughts. With repetition, like when we exercise at the gym, this gap can naturally lengthen, and in time you may enjoy longer periods of mental quiet.

Next, notice that you are not thinking these thoughts; they are simply appearing.

And finally, notice that you may "forget" to watch your thoughts and then "remember." The subtle shift in how you feel when you "remember" and become aware again is what I want to point your attention to.

Your decisions, actions, and responses originate inside you. Who is actually acting? The response either comes from you (essence) or from the conditioned programming we call "ego" (more on this later). When you are not lost in the incessant train of thought, you can choose to act from a different place. You are free.

The key is not to be completely lost—to be aware of what is going on inside in real time. When you closely observe your thoughts, emotions, and actions throughout the day, you realize that most of the time you are not aware. You are in a sort of "automatic pilot" mode.

Here are some more questions on which to reflect:

• Where are all these thoughts coming from?

• Why do these particular thoughts appear and not others?

• Why do some thoughts keep coming back?

• Is there a way to stop thoughts altogether?

• If so, what happens when all thoughts stop?

• Am I crazy?

• Can I do something about this?

• Why should I care about all this? How is this connected to what is happening in my life?

There are different types of "automatic" thoughts. Some thoughts result from your past experiences. We call this "programming." These are energetic impressions in your psyche that are asking to be resolved. They keep appearing when something triggers them. These are not random thoughts. They do have a purpose, and working with them is important.

The incessant thought-stream can be quite tiring. However, it is not advisable to ignore thoughts that arise from past impressions. They present the opportunity for you to resolve them with a forgiveness practice, like the Hoʻoponopono. Once you do, they will have fulfilled their roles and dissolve forever.

Other automatic thoughts may arise from what you are currently engaged with in your life—work, relationships, plans, wishes, desires, etc. While these thoughts may be harmless, they are also tiresome. Many people use substances to get this mental chatter to subside, and only after a drink or a joint do they feel relief.

When thoughts do stop, as in deep meditation, it is possible just to be. Be at peace. Sometimes the subtle voice of our inner guide, which is always there and always present, will show us the way.

Are we all crazy? Sometimes it feels like it to be honest. Here's a story Eckhart Tolle tells about how crazy we all are.

It is the early morning rush hour in the London tube. The cabin is packed with people. No place to sit, obviously. However, Eckhart's attention is drawn to a shrill, shouting voice coming from the end of the car. It is coming from an elderly woman. She is actually sitting, and there are two empty seats to her left and to her right. Nobody wants to sit there. It is evident why. The lady is having a ferocious argument with someone. She is yelling and screaming at this person. Only that person is not really present. She is looking to the empty seat to her left and addressing her complaints out loud. This goes on for several minutes until the train reaches its next stop and the lady gets up and exits.

Eckhart is intrigued. Since it is also his time to get off, he walks a little behind the lady, still within hearing distance, and resolves in his mind to follow her until their paths part. The lady is now at street level, still screaming at someone who is not there. She is quite oblivious to the fact that she is in public. She is screaming out loud, and people are staring at her.

Finally, Eckhart loses her and enters the university building where his lecture is to be held. Eckhart goes to the toilet to relieve himself. There is a man at the urinal next to him. They smile at each other in silence. Eckhart is reflecting on the woman and thinks, "She is really out of her mind." The man next to him is startled and looks at Eckhart in surprise. It turns out that Eckhart was speaking out loud!

The man leaves. Eckhart stands in front of the mirror, and it dawns on him. "If this lady is crazy, so am I." The only difference was that she was voicing her insane incessant inner dialogue out loud for all to hear while I just did it in my head. It is the same type of dialogue. Yes, the contents may vary, but it is still an inner dialogue.

When I read this story, I immediately understood that if that lady is crazy, so am I.

What to do with this realization then?

Remember, what we ask for intently, what we persistently think about, what we repeatedly visualize will come to pass. The key is not to be completely identified with this inner chatter, to stop being lost in it. The key is to be increasingly more aware of what is going on inside in real time.

Why should you care? Because when you spend your days in automatic pilot mode, the reality you create is nothing but a projection of this incessant inner dialogue.

💡 The keys for changing your outward life are inside you.

I felt liberated. At last, I could see a way out or, better said, a way forward. For a long time, I knew but never admitted to myself that I could not control the external world. Now, with the realization that the answers are inside, I could simply concentrate on what I could control—where to put my attention. I finally had something to do.

Decide now that you want to be aware and therefore have the freedom to choose. This is really the first step in taking back control of your life. The first step to really living your life.

In deciding this, you have just taken the first step on your inward journey. This is a journey into a vast, uncharted inner territory called "you."