Introduction

Tears are flowing down my cheeks, and my boss is also crying.

I am sitting in her huge office overlooking the rolling hills of the upper Galilee area of Israel.

On the phone, a few days before, I asked for a personal, urgent meeting. She felt the tension in my voice and said, "Come early in the morning and we'll talk."

She has known me for fifteen years, since I was a young engineer on her team. Later, she recruited me to run one of the projects in her department.

I hadn't been doing well for quite a long time. It was a very stressful job trying to find work-family balance. It felt like having a constant, low-level panic attack. I did not have a breakdown, but it was exhausting. It felt like an immense burden just to keep going. Perhaps this was a long period of low level depression. I did not go to a doctor, so I don't know what the medical diagnosis would have been. Looking back, I can see that it started when I took the high-paying, high-responsibility job as a project manager. This position was way out of my comfort zone, and although I felt very proud to have been selected for this role, deep inside I knew I was swimming in very deep waters. After two years of this, I simply decided it was time to quit this job and confront whatever was boiling inside of me.

So why was I crying?

She asked me how I felt. I told her I needed some air. I could't breathe. I felt like I had an immense hole in my chest.

This was the first time I heard myself say these words. It was as if someone else was talking.

Next, as if someone else wanted to continue sending a message, I saw myself take a piece of paper that was on the desk. My hand wrote the words "Why am I here?"

I flipped the page so she could read it.

She immediately understood I was referring to the existential version of this question. I was asking, "Why on Earth am I alive? What is my purpose?"

It was the first time I expressed this question clearly. I had to find the answer. I had to!

She said people go crazy when they ask these questions. All I could say was that it was too late for me. The genie was out of the bottle. Then we both started to cry.

A chapter was ending. I had no idea what was next, but it was very clear my life would never be the same. I told her I was quitting my position and leaving the company so I could deal with whatever was coming.

In 2006, I was thirty-seven years old and in the midst of a midlife crisis. I was supposed to be happy. I had a beautiful wife and two amazing young children. A good paying job. A very nice car. I was living in a quiet little village in the northern part of Israel.

Even so, life threw a curved ball at me. The 2006 war between Israel and Lebanon started on July 12th, my daughter's seventh birthday.

I realized then how fragile life is. The question that kept coming up in my mind was "is this all there is to life?" And that single question led me to start the journey inward. That journey is still ongoing.

Many years and many insights later, I realized I was searching for God. Finding God, as a personal experience, is what I set out to describe in these pages.

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Is your life perfect?

I don't know many people who can honestly answer "Yes."

If you are totally content with all aspects of your life, this book is not for you.

Are you still reading?

How about the opposite? Is your life a complete disaster?

Probably not.

Most of us like some aspects of our lives and are not content with other aspects.

Then life throws you a curve ball. Something hits you, and your life is forever changed.

A big financial loss?

Losing your job may be it.

Perhaps losing a loved one?

How about being diagnosed with a severe illness or having a near death experience?

Take your pick. Have you been knocked down and find it hard to stand back up? Do you need help?

For a long time before I left my job, I'd been experiencing a continuous heavy feeling of discontent that was in the background of everything. "Something is missing. Something is not right," I told myself over and over.

Do you feel this too?

Perhaps you can't seem to be able to put your finger on it. "What is wrong?" you might ask.

Many mornings, do you wake up to "another day from hell?"

Do you experience some happy moments against a background of continuous misery and ask yourself, "What is this life for? Why am I here?"

Perhaps you start looking for the obvious causes. There must be something wrong with: your relationships, your work, your business, your financials, your material possessions, your status, or what you have accomplished in life. You may think, "If I can fix X, I will be happy."

Many of us try to "fix" it. More money, a fancy car, a vacation in the Caribbean, a nicer home, a more prestigious job. Sometimes we even try less wholesome stuff such as sex, drugs, or alcohol.

We may get some relief, but none of these strategies work in the long term.

I tried to "fix" myself with many of these and still could not feel better.

These feelings are very common. We may also feel shame and frustration when we are unable to share with others our innermost tender and vulnerable places. Even when we are ready to open up, many of the people around us do not have the experience or wisdom to give us counsel. They simply have not started their own journeys inward.

These coping strategies do not work because they are focused on the symptoms rather than addressing the cause.

Despair not!

The answers are there. Where to look for them? Who to ask? You will learn that all the answers can be found by going inward.

What exactly does "going inward" mean? How do I "go inward?" you may be asking yourself.

These are great questions. This book will go into great detail in search of answers.

If you decide to take this journey, this book can serve as a roadmap. Think of this book as a Lonely Planet or Trip Advisor for the inward journey.

My intention was to write the book I never had when I was faced with the decision to go inward. Use this book as part of your journey, and let it serve you as intended! If you are still not sure if the inward journey is for you, perhaps this book was written precisely to help you make a decision.

When I was sitting in front of my boss, I was in tremendous pain. All I wanted was to end that pain. I was not aware of a journey inward. I learned of that much later, when I was ready.

If you are in pain, please trust that help is on the way. This book can help you understand your life situation. While this understanding may not eliminate all your pain, it will most certainly reduce much of your suffering.

The journey inward takes time. No one knows how long it will be when they start it. I promise you will be rewarded throughout the journey. As you progress on the path, you will find increasing peace that comes from being aligned with your life's purpose.

If you decide to embark on the mission outlined in this book, you can expect to gain a number of insights, including:

1️⃣ You will learn about the inward journey and why it is worthwhile

The term "inward journey" may sound like a new-age slogan. I felt the same way. I wasn't interested in a "journey" at all. I was in pain and praying for help. Then, a guide arrived and invited me to embark on a new path. She was the first one to suggest and show me an entire dimension of my existence I was not at all aware of. This dimension was inside me. More importantly, she claimed —and I believed her —that I would not be able to "fix" any of the problems I was facing in my so-called "outer" life unless I identified and addressed their root causes.

That was my first step in this journey. Yours will probably be entirely different. What matters is that you are convinced, as Einstein was, that "we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." If I may paraphrase this quote, I would say that we cannot "fix" our problems in life without addressing their causing factors (ego, trauma, conditioning, etc.). That is why the inward journey is not only needed but indeed unavoidable.

2️⃣ You will learn to recognize the various phases and signposts of the inward journey

Once you start on this journey, you will need to orient yourself. This book may serve as your guide. I will discuss where the journey is leading you, what some commonly encountered phases are, how to recognize that you are making progress, and what or who can help you along the way.

3️⃣ You will learn the importance of a guide and the pitfalls to avoid in your relationship with them

When facing a challenge, you have a choice of whether to go it alone or ask for help. One of the most life-changing insights I had was the swtich from asking "how can I do this" to asking "who can do this for me or help me do it." This is the role of a trusted guide during the inward journey. I will discuss at length all the issues that may arise and the pitfalls to avoid while being guided on the inward journey.

4️⃣ You will learn of various useful practices to choose from and implement

What is it that you "do" on a journey inward? That is a great question. I will discuss the role of spiritual practices and therapeutic methods.

5️⃣ You will learn where the inward journey leads

Are we there yet? Where is this journey leading?

This book is called Finding God. That is the destination.

Do you want to find God?

Many of us will never be interested in the journey inward. I wasn't. All I wanted was to get rid of the tremendous pain I was feeling. There was a deep "hole" in my chest that wouldn't leave me alone.

This book is about going inward to find answers and solutions to all of life's puzzles. When you find God, you will find all that you need. You can find God for yourself, by yourself, and in yourself and have a personal relationship with God.

The inward journey is personal and requires no intermediaries. This journey is available to you regardless of your personal beliefs or religious tradition. The institutional religions of the early twenty-first century do provide a valuable service to some of us —but not to all of us. There is something to learn from every spiritual tradition. The inner journey, however, does not require any religious foundation.

Every aspect of my life changed forever when I realized that God, the creator of all (and me), is personally accessible to me and that God is my divine parent. I discovered that God knows me personally and intimately and loves me as a parent loves their child. I realized that the entire universe God has created is a beneficial place that has my best interest in mind. Life is not easy but there is a meaning and purpose for me to find. Finally, I found hope and meaning through understanding that God wants to be a partner in my life adventure. I am never alone.

All the hope, meaning, and purpose we are looking for is there, inside of us.

I am suggesting that you consider the possibilities and take the journey to find what is true in your own personal experience.

This book is a description of my personal inward journey. While each person's journey is different, there are many lessons to be learned from fellow travelers. Today and in this world, it is extremely hard to progress on the inward journey without relying on help from past and present travelers. My journey would not be possible without all the help I received. I am sharing my personal experience to pay it forward, with immense gratitude to all the past and present travelers who have been helping me and others.

This book is not a how-to manual that you can follow to the letter. It is written to be your companion in your own journey. I will, however, present a high-level description of some important aspects of the inward journey. By sharing my experiences, I hope and pray that you will be guided in the right direction with yours. The inward journey is very much personal and unique. Your personal journey may not look anything like mine.

My personal journey started fifteen years before I began writing this book. While the chapters loosely follow the flow and progression of my personal journey, some phases happened simultaneously. Some steps take longer than others. In short, time is not linear in this book, and, in some cases, the insights described in these pages arrived many years apart. As such, I jump back and forth in time to illustrate different aspects of the inward journey. I invite you to read all the way to the end.

Similarly, your path may not be a linear one. Some twists and turns may take longer than others. Be generous and patient with yourself as you move along. This journey will be worth your while.